Study food reviews: Cram Session

By Hannah Clark and Sarah Skordas

Disclaimer: This is gonna be different from our original format. It’s also going to be our last piece for the year. A grand finale, if you will. So, with that in mind, buckle up buttercups.

Act I: The Challenge

Sarah: I feel like this probably needs some background.

Hannah: The legend began like this- with a Gawker article and a subtle hint at a challenge.

Sarah: That’s good.

Hannah: …

Sarah: So, one day, I was just sitting in class, racking my brain on what to do after my latest editorial. It was a struggle, let me tell you. Twenty minutes of going through the same old “Restaurants near me” searches and you realize the chains binding humanity are actually bad chain restaurants. But that was when Mr. Perraud came to my rescue.

Hannah: Rescue? Those Mozzarella sticks are still haunting my dreams.

Sarah: That’s why I said my rescue.

Hannah: *crispy breaded shudder*

Sarah: Anyways, as I was saying… I was the struggling student, Mr. Perraud was the helpful teacher. A perfect scene to start this adventure. Several unimportant details later, and I have in my grasp an article. Well, it was really more like in my sights since you can’t really grasp hold of an online news article. Well, I mean I guess you could print it and that way-

Hannah: *attention grabbing cough* I don’t back down from a challenge but we didn’t have 14 hours to spend searching for the end of seemingly endless apps in a TGI Friday’s like Gawker’s Caity Weaver.

Sarah: Right. So I read the article (shameless promo of said article here), almost died from laughter, and then preceded to show Hannah over here, who also almost died from laughter. I’m not sure when exactly we decided we wanted to write something that could potentially have the same effect, but one thing led to another and here we are.

Hannah: If there’s one thing students, specifically teenage students know, it’s food. So we talked to students who work at eateries and took opinions on the best and worst their employers had to offer.

Sarah: I feel like I should note that we only asked opinions of Arundel students and graduates. It seemed fitting.

Hannah: Then, because I grew up with an older brother, the instinct to make it a competition kicked in.

Sarah: The premise is as follows: Four of us are going to group up and hit eight different restaurants within the Arundel area. Why eight? Who knows? Not us. On the recommendation of their Arundel employees, we’ll order either the best or worst menu item they have to offer. To decide which: the flip of a coin.

Hannah: Heads we order the best, tails we face the worst.

Sarah: But Tails is my favorite.

Hannah: Too late. It is done.

Sarah: 😦

Sarah: As a side note, in some instances, the people we questioned did not give a worst menu item. In cases like these, we asked Mr. Perraud what he thought the worst item from that restaurant was and used that.

Hannah:  In hopes of sparing our stomachs and our wallets, each participant will attempt to finish only half a portion at each location. If they are successful a point is added to their score, and whomever has the most points claims the title of victor. The real kicker will be the consequences of our performance.

Act II: The Recon

Hannah: The first few restaurants were easy. We found everyone we knew who worked at a food joint and asked a few questions; the list was shorter than expected. So we ended up still short by about four places.

Sarah: You might think it couldn’t possibly be hard in a school of 2,000+ teenagers to find eight people who worked in the local restaurant scene. You would be wrong.

Hannah: After asking around we resorted to emailing locations. Alas, they never responded. This is how I ended up confusing poor Grace Karner during her shift at The Grilled Cheese & Co. rushing in, asking where she went to school.

Sarah: What a glorious sight to see you running out of that store, flailing your arms up in victory. I won’t lie, this by far was the longest part of the process, but we spent the gaps between slow responses and intensive Googling contemplating the greatness that would be The Ferocious(ly Hungry) Four.  

Sarah: Hey, Hannah.

Hannah: Why yes?

Sarah: Who would be the wonderful specimens that make up this fantastical quartet?

Hannah: Are you sure they’re ready for this jelly? *mutters* God I hate myself.

Sarah: *pretends not to hear that* Probably not, but let’s give it to them anyways.

Hannah: Introducing Caleb “I Promise I’m Not Judging You It’s Just My Face” Chang. This boi – my God you should see his angry little scowl.

Sarah: There’s Matt “The Designated Driver” Smith. Oh, noodle.

Sarah: And then, there’s us. Do they really need a description of us?

Hannah: Yes Sarah “The Reason for Our Suffering” Skordas.

Sarah: … rude, Hannah “She Who Puts The B In Banana” Clark.

Hannah: F***… you right.

Sarah: Hannah, this must be school appropriate.

Hannah: Fluff, you right.

Sarah: Perfect.

Hannah: ALWAYS. That’s how we do it here, fast, drastic, and all around fantastic.

Sarah: I think this interaction tells you everything you need to know about our friendship.

Hannah: Now the question: can we rise to the occasion and eat all the things?

Random James: Scoop-diddy-whoopWhoop-di-scoop-di-poopPoop-di-scooptyScoopty-whoop Whoopity-scoop

Random Bec: Kanye is that you?

Sarah: Since when did they get here?

Act III: The Trials

Hannah: The day was June 1st, humid, not quite raining. We started off the morning by covering the band’s graduation performance. Everyone was in their finest black (except Sarah of course). A storm was brewing, literally and metaphorically.

Sarah: Or so we thought. Turns out, the sun had other ideas. Hot as a mother fluffer out there. And of course, I just had to wear jeans.

Scene I: The Brown Box Eatery

Flipped: Tails, three egg omelette; Heads was an egg sandwich (Suggested by Alum, Michael Ortiz)

Sarah: After a short run through the woods behind the tennis courts to where Matt expertly parked his Prius, we met up with a tank top wearing Caleb Chang and headed off to our first destination: Hannah’s place of work.

Hannah: And guess what long person did not get shotgun?

Sarah: Beat by a freshman huh? What a noob.

Hannah: How was your omelette Sarah?

Sarah: … it was delightful. *through gritted teeth*

Hannah: Said freshman, who also happened to be Matt’s brother, flipped the coin for us and obviously is bad luck.

Sarah: Which is why we have resorted to calling him a freshman, even though he’s a sophomore, and then ditched him before trucking over to Three Brothers. But, we’re getting ahead of ourselves. Andrew flipped tails, which meant I had to suffer through a spinach and tomato omelette because Hannah just has to be mildly lactose intolerant.

Hannah: Don’t give me that. You said you were fine with it!

Sarah: Don’t you know not to trust me when I say that? It’s okay though, you made up for it by crafting for me a vanilla iced coffee.


Hannah: That I also couldn’t have because we were out of almond milk. Anyways, the boys ended up choosing bacon and American cheese in their panic.

Matt: In my defense, I wasn’t the one who said they were gonna order and then immediately disappear in the direction of the bathroom.

Caleb: I want another omelette.

Sarah: Once the food arrived on black plastic plates my suffering began.

Hannah: You only had to eat an egg and a half, drama queen. You wouldn’t have “suffered” so much if you hadn’t eaten at the speed of an amputated hamster.

Matt: Yeah, but at least it was funny to watch.

Caleb: Shut. Up. I finished before all of you, and ate all my potatoes.

Hannah: No one made you eat all your potatoes Caleb Chang.

Caleb: I ain’t no b-


Caleb: …wimp?

Hannah: Final thoughts guys?

Sarah: I hate you.

Hannah: 😉

Matt: Who’s riding shotgun this time?

Hannah: The person who paid last.

Sarah: Hannah, you paid.

Hannah: Exactly.

Caleb: I’m completely fine with never riding shotgun again.

<Hannah’s co-workers yell goodbye from across the restaurant as we get up to leave>

Caleb: I still can’t believe none of you ate your potatoes. They were so good.

Sarah: Caleb, shush, And push in your dang chair.

Scene II: Three Brothers Italian Restaurant 

Flipped: Tails, bacon cheese fries (with ranch); Heads was a slice of cheese and tomato pizza (suggested by Senior, Elina Baltins)

Sarah: Matt parks so beautifully, even Caleb Chang compliments his work.

Matt: Yeah I really didn’t think that was going to work.

Sarah: While the fools are being indecisive about which vacant table to occupy, I order our second selection: Bacon cheese fries with Ranch, Mr Perraud’s first choice for tails.

Mr. Perraud’s Reasoning: Because ranch makes it all the more hilarious.

Hannah: Let’s just say, Caleb did not appreciate this reasoning.

<the quadruplet finally claims a table>

Hannah: So, how ya’ guys feelin’?

Sarah: *mumbles* I hate omelettes.

Matt: I haven’t had much food yet soooo…

Caleb: I can keep going. I’m not gonna be the first one to tap.

Hannah: No that’s going to be Sarah.

Sarah: No, I’m gonna try-

Matt: *laughs* Yeah, it’s gonna be Sarah. I’m calling it.

Sarah: You b-


Sarah: …b****.

Hannah: sAraH SKoRdAS.

Sarah: … I’m not sorry.

Hannah: When the fries came I showed some mercy and decided everyone would only have to eat a fourth. And I gave Caleb Chang the section with the least amount of ranch.

Sarah: You know that mercy was only for your stomach, right?

Matt: Wow, she finally shows mercy for herself.

Hannah: Ouch.

Matt: I’m still salty that I wasn’t allowed to read your journal.

Sarah: But on the bright side, you finished first!

Hannah: Yeah, cause he wasn’t the one comparing my handwriting to Wingdings.

Matt: Wingdings?

Hannah: You know that Word font…

Caleb: It looks cool, but you can’t read it!

Hannah: ⤢♦️ጤ&๔  ⬛▢♦️


Hannah: *quietly* mom?

<flashback: enter the fries>

Sarah: God, this is a lot of fries.

Hannah: But they’re GOOD fries.

Matt: *mouth full of fries, nods in agreement*

Caleb: Ranch is disgusting.

Sarah: There’s barely any on yours!

<no one talks until the fries are gone>

Hannah: *takes picture of the empty plate* I forgot.

Sarah: Best thing I’ve eaten all day.

Matt: Ready to go?

Caleb: I’m gonna be so fat by the end of this.


Scene III: Panera Bread

Flipped: Tails, blueberry tuberz (suggested by Teacher, Mr. Perraud); Heads was a steak and cheddar panini (suggested by Junior, Kevin Maciel)

Hannah: I hate this.

Sarah: During the car ride, we land tails again.

Hannah: Mr. P, I hate you.

Sarah: Now who’s being a drama queen?

<Hannah pouts as she orders four Blueberry Tuberz>

Matt: *Can barely contain his laughter from the confused look on the cashier’s face*

Sarah: *goes off in search of a table*

Caleb: *has disappeared again*

Sarah: *grins maniacally as Hannah comes to the table with the brown Panera bag in her grasp*

Hannah: Guys, I really hate yogurt.

Sarah: This is the sole time I will actually come close to finishing first.

<Sarah attempts to open her Blueberry Tuberz>

Sarah: Hannah, I have a problem.

<Sarah still attempts to open her Blueberry Tuberz>

Sarah: Hannah, I’m having a problem.

<Sarah once again attempts to open her Blueberry Tuberz>

Sarah: I have a problem…

Hannah: You can’t finish first if you can’t even open it.

<Sarah switches tactics>

Sarah: Matt, I have a problem.

Matt: *aggressively slurps as he stares down Caleb Chang*

Caleb: *aggressively slurps as he stares down Matt*

Caleb: *finishes* Alright, let’s leave.

Hannah: *Finally opening her Blueberry Tuberz* It smells so gross *begins to slurp*.

<lots of laughter ensues>

Caleb: Hannah!

Matt: Aw, Hannah it’s okay.

Sarah: You’re about to cry *laughs some more*

Hannah: *broken* I hate this.

Caleb: *laughs*

<Sarah takes out her phone just in time to catch the yogurt explosion that takes place>

Matt: Sarah, you’re not helping just…recording.

Caleb: *to Hannah* It’s okay, you’re almost done.

<yogurt explosion takes place>

Caleb: How do you not know how to eat yogurt *shakes head* I’ll go get a napkin.

Sarah and Matt: *dying on the other side of the table*

Sarah: *takes several photos*


Matt: You’re gonna have to show this to Mr. Perraud.

Sarah: *speaking around the Tuberz in her mouth* That doesn’t look right. 

Caleb: Wait, if you have to finish all of it, don’t you have like *licking gesture* You wasted a bunch, you know?

Hannah: *licks yogurt off hand* Are you happy now?

Sarah and Matt: *continue to die on the other side of the table*

Caleb:  I kinda feel bad for you. Are you okay?

Hannah: *weakly* Yep.

Hannah: I squeezed it and it just shot out the sides.

Hannah: Oh my god there’s so much left.

Sarah: Are you done yet?

Caleb: You gotta finish it.

Hannah: I’m going to smell like yogurt.

Sarah: You survived.

Sarah: And you don’t like blueberry either.

Hannah: NO I DON’T!

Caleb: Wait you don’t like blueberry? That’s like- the main fruit.

Scene IV: Kilwin’s (but really Matt’s car)

Flipped: Heads (surprisingly), pecan snapper; Tails was vanilla fudge (suggested by Junior, Brett Prater)

Sarah: I can’t believe I just spent $25.00 on this *holds up Kilwin’s bag*. What even is this?

<Sarah slams the car door shut behind her as Matt turns the car on to get the air conditioning running>

Matt: I believe you said it was a Pecan Snapper.

Sarah: Shut up, Matt.

Hannah: The only thing worth its price is the ice cream.

Sarah: Even the milkshakes, which are really good, aren’t worth this much. AND THESE ARE LITERALLY THE SIZE OF MY PALM.

Hannah: I mean… the Superman turns green when it’s blended.

Matt: Oh no…

Sarah: What?

Matt: That has chocolate in it.

Hannah: What do you mean it has chocolate in it?? I’m literally not allowed to eat caramel.

Matt: I hate chocolate.

Sarah: Out of all the possible overpriced items in that store, Brett just had to choose the one with caramel, chocolate, and nuts. What a ho.

Caleb: Ew, it has almonds in it.

Hannah: Those are not almonds.

Sarah: Caleb it’s a pecan snapper.

Caleb: So do you wanna eat half of it and I eat half of it or…

<Hannah snaps the disappointing dessert in half>

Caleb: …Or you could just do that. That looks disgusting.

Hannah: I’m taking the smaller one.

<meanwhile Sarah and Matt are having a conversation the other two can’t hear over the air conditioning and the bad speakers>

Caleb: This caramel is so sticky, what the fluff?

Sarah: This isnt that bad.

Caleb: How could anyone stomach this???

Matt:  *suffers in silence*

Sarah: I will say the pecan does taste nasty.

Caleb: It does.

Sarah: This has to be to worst thing we have had so far and I had eggs.

Hannah: Yogurt.

Caleb: Ranch.

Matt: Chocolate?

Sarah: *mouth full* Matt I’m not judging you, but…

Matt: For once I’m actually glad I have wet wipes.

<all speaking over one another with mouths full>

Sarah: Hey, I just realized I never finish anything.  

Hannah: Hey, this is really terrible chocolate.

Matt: Hey, I’m gonna hate myself for this

Caleb: Hey, *looks down at Hannah’s shoes* those are really nice shoes.

Hannah: Hey, isn’t caramel just cooked sugar?

Matt: *looks serious* Sugar, dark syrup, molasses, no not molasses…brown sugar!

Hannah: You’re so smart, I didn’t realize that.

Matt: *hands out wet wipes*

Hannah: Thanks, mom.

Caleb: We should got to Qdoba!

Sarah and Hannah: NO!

Scene V: Grilled Cheese and Co.

Flipped: Tails, veggie delight; Heads was the smashed meatball  (Suggested by Student, Grace Karner)

<The quadruplet arrive, expecting this to be one of their easier stops. Who doesn’t love a good grilled cheese, right? Hannah and Caleb go to order two Veggie “Delights”. Sarah runs back out to the car so she can refill her water bottle at the soda machine, and Matt claims the table nearest to the door, sunglasses perched on the top of his head.>

Hannah: Alright guys, how are you feeling?

Sarah: Fluff you.

<Caleb puts on Matt’s aviators and Sarah rushes to take a photo of this momentous act>


Sarah: Yes, Caleb. Go Caleb!!

Matt: Okay, Caleb!!

Hannah: He’s so pleased with himself.

<Sarah proceeds to steal the aviators back and wears them for pretty much the remainder of the visit as random conversation and fair amounts of unnecessary swearing ensue. At some point, the grilled cheeses arrive in paper baskets>

Caleb: Veggie burgers, I fluffling hate veggie burgers.

<No one corrects this statement>

Hannah: I hate mushrooms.

Matt: Wait, who hates mushrooms?

Sarah: All of us.

Caleb: But mushrooms are amazing.

Matt: *not so silently agrees*

Sarah: *not so silently disagrees*

Caleb: You’re [crazy], you don’t like mushrooms?

Hannah: Ugh, they’re still too hot to eat.

Caleb: If you eat muscle, do you become muscle?

Hannah: Do you not know how digestion works?

Caleb: I do! I take AP Biology!

<the quadruplet anxiously start to pick at their halves>

Sarah: This is disgusting. I don’t want to eat this!

Caleb: I haven’t even touched mine yet.

Hannah: Is that you, tapping out?

Caleb: Of course not, I just hate veggie burgers.

<Again, no one corrects this statement>

Caleb: I’m NOT vegan!

Hannah: There’s CHEESE on it.

Hannah: What is this? Why is it brown?

Hannah: It tastes (suspiciously) like olives.

Sarah: If we all just don’t eat it, is that fine?

Caleb: Yeah, could I skip?

Matt: *suffers silently*

Hannah: Guys, that’s not how this works!

Caleb: *opens his mouth after a long conversation about funerals* What the fluff is this (in regards to the olives)?

Sarah: What’s the salty thing?

<Sarah and Hannah simultaneously reread the menu and shudder at the word tapenade>

Hannah: So it is olives.

Sarah: NOOOOOO I hate olives…. AND I’M GREEK!

Caleb: I thought all Greek people ate olives?

Sarah: *quietly* fluff you.

Sarah: Can I please not eat the crust?

Hannah: Eat your crust!

Matt: Are you seriously a not crusts person???

Sarah: Not when it’s this disgusting.

Caleb: The crust is probably the best part of this.

Hannah: How did I finish that so much earlier than all of you?

Matt: Because I have to keep myself from puking. I detest this thing that much.

Sarah: Puking is immediate disqualification.

Caleb: I’m really trying not to taste anything.

Sarah: *casually slides a mushroom off the sandwich* To be honest I don’t know how I made it this far.

Hannah: I’m so sorry there’s so much stuff in my teeth.

Caleb: It’s fine no one’s going in there anyway.

Sarah: *dies and leans sideways in the booth, resting her head on Hannah’s lap*

Hannah: That was good Caleb, that was good.

Sarah: Ah, I love Caleb Chang.

Matt: I really don’t want to tap on this but I am literally about to puke.

Hannah: *smiles*

Matt: Fluff you, Hannah.

Caleb: Wow, I feel. Very. Terrible.

Caleb: Wow, I could never be on a vegan diet.


Caleb: This is a Veggie “Delight.”

Sarah: They need to cross out the delight part.

Caleb: Veggie Abomination.

Sarah: Perfect. Honest marketing right there.

Hannah: Sarah, just [finish] that grilled cheese and let’s go.

<Sarah proceeds to finish the grilled cheese by aggressively shoving the rest of it into her mouth>

Scene VI: Chick-Fil-A

Flipped: Heads, Chick-fil-A deluxe sandwich; Tails was a superfood side (Suggested by Senior, Bec Crow)

<Somehow, no one gets run over as they traverse through the parking lot and cross the street in their food-stricken daze>

Sarah: I don’t like lettuce.

Hannah: Oh, the lettuce is your problem?

Sarah: I mean, I love lettuce in salads. But don’t put lettuce on stuff.

Caleb: Wait, ew! I hate pickles!

Hannah: Too bad, you’re eating it.

Caleb: I’m allergic to them.

Hannah: *exasperated disbelief* Seriously?

Sarah: Wait, WHAT?

Caleb: I’m kidding.

Matt: The pickles are going to make me puke too.

Sarah: I just wish we could have cut this in fours. That would have been nice.

Hannah: The point isn’t for it to be nice, the point is to be in pain… just like the rest of existing.

Caleb: Cuz you’re fat and your stomach hurts and you just wanna go home.

Sarah: Owie.

<starts eating their Chick-Fil-A Deluxe with Pepperjack Cheese, Bacon, and no Tomato>


Sarah: Okay so what’s the deal with this Roasted BBQ Sauce?

Hannah: Nope, too late.

Sarah: But we had to?

Hannah: No.

Sarah: Okay, then.

Sarah: I guess one good thing about never really being hungry is that you never really know when you feel full.

Caleb: That’s dangerous. What if you died from just eating and there would just be all of this food exploding out of your stomach?

Hannah: Again, I really don’t think you understand how digestion works.

Caleb: *looks at sandwich more closely* Ah, Jesus has blessed me! There’s only one pickle!!!

<laughter ensues>

Caleb: All that church really paid off.

<Hannah finishes her sandwich first>

Hannah: Mr. Perraud, I don’t feel so good…


<The quadruplet head back across the street, stomachs beyond full and in pain. Sarah is still struggling to force down her last bite of the sandwich as she makes sure Caleb doesn’t get hit by a car. The boy steps out into the intersection without looking, putting his life in the hands of irresponsible and impatient drivers.>

Scene VII: Newk’s

Flipped: Heads, shrimp pizza; Tails was the black and bleu salad (Suggested by Alum, Helena Harness)

<Upon entering their seventh restaurant the quadruplet, save Sarah who steps up to order, trudge to a corner booth with enough space for all three of them to lay down.>

Caleb: One time my phone was charging in the sun and it was so hot I had to put it in the refrigerator but I forgot it until my mom cooked dinner.

Caleb: She opened the fridge and was like “whose phone is this?” and I was like “oh crap that’s mine.”

Matt: *shakes head* Caleb.

Caleb: *looks at license* look at my hair! I look like a Pokémon trainer!

Hannah: Caleb…

Sarah: Wait, he does though.

Matt: Caleb, you’re the youngest?

Caleb: Yeah, I’ll be the last to die.

Matt: You mean you’ll be the lonely one.

<More delirious conversation.>

Caleb: Man screw Donald Trump. I think Dwayne Johnson would make a great president.

Matt: I still think Mr. V has the best 2020 presidential campaign, “I can see the future.”

Caleb: What?

Caleb: Oh.

Caleb: Oooooooooh, I get it!

Caleb: 20/20 vision!

Caleb: I have 20/20 vision. I eat my carrots.

Sarah: I have better than 20/20.

Hannah: Alright little miss pilot.

Caleb: I didn’t even know you could get better than 20/20

<The shrimp pizza arrives>

Hannah: Sadly, that’s for us.

Sarah: Yeah, we’re dying.

Sarah: I think we only have to eat one slice.

Hannah: NO

Sarah: There’s not enough for two!

Caleb: I can take a skip.

Sarah: NO!

Sarah: Everybody eats one slice.

Matt: Aaaaaand Sarah took the one with the least shrimp.

Sarah: Do you want it?

Matt: *pouts* Maybe.

Hannah: I don’t want this.

Caleb: This is actually spicy.

Sarah: Yes! I’m gonna vomit! Let’s do this!

Sarah: I don’t know if I can do this…

<Sarah taps out as Hannah finishes her slice>

Hannah: Alright boys, eat up. I’m done.

Caleb: You would make a good bartender.

<Matt taps out>

Hannah: I say Caleb and I both have to eat another slice then we use Applebees as a tiebreaker.

Caleb: You’re screwing yourself.

Hannah: Or you can tap now.

<Caleb picks up his second slice>

Scene VIII: Applebee’s

Flipped: Tails, brunch burger; Heads was the fiesta lime chicken (Suggested by Senior, James Burcky)

<The rules have changed. The two final contenders, Hannah Clark and Caleb Chang, will race to finish half of a brunch burger>

Sarah: Alright Caleb, are you ready?

Caleb: No.


Hannah: Yeah you gotta give me a minute.

Sarah: If you vomit, you lose.

Caleb: There is SO much ketchup.  

Hannah: And who puts hash browns on bread??

Matt: It’s not that much.

Hannah: Excuse me, haven’t you tapped already?

Caleb: I can’t- I can’t even eat! How am I supposed to eat fast? This is not healthy?

Hannah: I’m actually about to cry.

Caleb: There is just a deep pit in my heart.

Sarah: Why is full Caleb, me everyday?

Hannah: Alright Caleb are you ready????

Caleb: *desperate* Wait, we can just call it a draw.

Hannah: No, square up. I’m winning this.

Sarah: Five…

Caleb: Wait wait wait

Sarah: Four…

Sarah: Three…

Sarah: Two…

Sarah: OneGo!

<hellish mouth noises begin>

Matt: This is awesome.

Sarah: Holy crap…

Matt: Do it, Hannah. Beat him.

Matt: You got this. You got this.

Sarah: Whow. Wait are you ok?

Caleb: I’m done.

Sarah: Let me see your mouth.

<Caleb opens his mouth>

Sarah: No, you have to swallow that.

Hannah: Done! Wait– *licks plate* done!

Caleb: What? I already finished.

Matt: That was pretty much a tie.

Sarah: I think Hannah won.

Caleb: You gotta be kidding me.

Sarah: Look! Look at the clean plate!

Caleb: That was not a requirement.

Sarah: You said you had to eat it all.

Matt: And you didn’t finish. The crumbs are part of the burger.

Caleb: This is a waste of time.

<Caleb paces down the aisle in frustration>

Hannah: You’re probably not wrong.

Sarah: Do you feel good? How does it feel?

Hannah: I gotta go.

Sarah: Puking means you’re disqualified.

<Hannah sits back down>

Sarah: I’m proud of you.

Caleb: Hannah, I’m not proud of you.

Matt: So Sarah do you want to go get Rita’s?

Sarah: Sure.

Act IV: The Aftermath

Hannah went home to lay in bed for countless hours with the promise of not feeling hungry for another month.

Caleb claimed he would fast a couple days, but ended up polishing off a tub of ice cream.

Sarah and Matt actually did go and get Rita’s.